Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
