So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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