it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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