So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
