I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
