sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
