Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
is this the sara with the beer cane?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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