Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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