This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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