chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
