apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
