So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
