God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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