Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
