please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
