no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
