You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.