You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
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DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?