ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.