What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.