Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes