season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
