"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sorry my hands just texted you
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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