Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
