the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
