This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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