I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My Sexting was not on an AP level
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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