Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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