Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
