Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
