Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
