He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
