I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
