we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
