You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He? As in you personified your dick?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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