I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
