You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize