Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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