I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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