She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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