Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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