she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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