sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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