Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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