why didn't you poke me back
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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