I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
