if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
