dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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