does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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