the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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