Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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