once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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