yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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