Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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