Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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