and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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