I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
