Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
