he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
