Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
