Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
